Twenty Two

I'm twenty two for a moment,

She feels better than ever,

And we're on fire,

Making our way back from Mars.

Like Always

I just realized that I haven't written anything for weeks.

Well, I have completed my Bachelor of Science in Architectural Studies, a friend just got married, I started my days as a Bachelor of Architecture student, went for a site visit, assignments ( lots of them ), and the best part was, I finally received my scroll during the 30th Convocation Ceremony.

So far, my life has been the same like always, sleepless nights, critic sessions, assignments, case studies, site visits and many many more. It'll be tougher but I'll survive, like always.

I graduated on Monday, then had classes for the whole day on the next day, and a submission on the following day. So much for a closure. Oh well, it'll be sweeter for the next one :D

For better or for worse

We stood against the world, hoping for the risks and mischievous to palliate. Somewhere out there, we knew this would happen but we were best at being idle. As we watched the world being damaged by greed and cruelty, we forgot that we had power. We had the best weapon to stop the scathe and we had chances to let the world prosper with its uncanny beaut. But again, we shoved the idea to each other, hoping perhaps an innocent willing man would stand out and shout enough is enough. Again we forgot, we should be the ones who need to stand firm on the ground and fight for our rights back, because we were the ones who started it at the first place. The peace, the mother nature and the rights to live have always been there. All it takes is some persistence and some sacrifices.  

Peace people, peace.

This is it isn't it?

It doesn't feel like an end. I actually have completed my Bsc. in Architectural Studies and shall be resuming my B. Architecture next week. 3 years of sleepless nights, hasn't come to a conclusion yet. Well, haha. I used to be extremely exhilarated when I found out I shall further my study to the next level. But as the days are progressing to 5 September, I'm starting to wonder if this is the right choice. I'm having my own doubts. Is this what I really wanted? Am I going to put myself through the harsh environment again for the next 2 years? Am I ready?

Don't get me wrong. I love designing buildings and taking control of my own project but perhaps I should take a break for a while and run out there to see how this world actually works. 

The older you are, more tough decisions you're going to make. How I miss the olden days when everything was much simpler and uncomplicated. Sigh.

Para Ti

6 years ago, she asked me;

"Do you think I should accept this offer?"

 I took a long deep breath, fixed my eyes upon her and replied;

"If it's up to me, I do not want you to accept the offer. I want you to stay with me, here. I refuse to let you leave but this matter is about your life, your future. Think wisely. If you think this is the best way, then go ahead with it. Just so you know, I wished you didn't get the offer because best friends should remain together forever. But any decision you're gonna make, I'll always be there." She nodded and looked away.

A week later, she's gone. A part of me melted. I lost a best friend, a sister and a confidante. Days ahead were much agonizing as the seat beside me was left vacant and loneliness often found its way through my heart. I didn't had a large circle of friends. Why should I when I had her as my friend?

I met her several years later. But I still lost her because she was not the same person who I used to be with. She's here but she's not here. I lost her again. Apparently, she's just somebody that I used to know.

Dear friend, happy birthday. Perhaps one day we will be what we used to be. Perhaps one day, we will sit together again and sing along to our favorite songs. 

Puteh

We reached a moment when everything seemed so hopeless. We worked hard, we did our best but still it wasn't enough. We encountered several serious problems and horrifying incidents. We wanted to give up but we didn't. We were like an outcast whom nobody cared, nobody was there. We were alone, we had to deal with critical moments by ourselves. We had to reach a decision but again, nobody was there. We were almost succumb to failure and frustration. But we didn't. We had each other. We're on each other's team. We stick together through thin and thick. In the end, it'll end well insya-allah.

#Heritage Studies 13/14

When everyone has faith on you, when everyone thinks you can pull it off, when everyone thinks you can do it and the only one who doesn't think so is yourself. When everyone believes you but you yourself are doubting your own self and capabilities.

Thank you guys. Though it's hard, I promise I'll do my best.

End of Paper

So today's paper signifies the last examination of this degree thus the journey is almost coming to an end. Hence the hard-work and the struggle of being an architecture student shall be concluded in a few months ahead. And then, that feeling when you realize that it's going to over. That feeling when you realized you only have a few months more to spend time with your friends before they all bids you goodbye and carry on with their lives. That feeling when you realized, you have grown up.

Maybe One Day, Maybe Not

I found out that I'll be staying in Malaysia after all. It didn't hurt much actually though Australia was my choice since I was 12. I was relieved. I was glad. Because I realized, Australia wasn't the best option. I'm actually pretty glad that my story remains here in Malaysia. Frankly, I wasn't ready to embark any further adventure in Australia. My life is here, in Malaysia, with my friends and family. With all these halal food and rainy days. The day I find my courage, I'll find my way to be anywhere but Malaysia. Australia, I'll see ya soon mate !

This is the end.

'We did it', she whispered to herself. 

She's been spending her days doing this project. She's been missing her days with the world because all she could think of was her precious baby. One slight mistake would claim her own calamity. No, she wouldn't allow it. She's been on the verge of giving up but she got to straighten up her goal. She needed to finish it. She couldn't take it anymore but she just had to go on with it because she simply had no choice. She's been caught up in this mess and she has to figure out her own ways. And finally, she did it.

Then, she started to ask herself, whether she's strong enough for this again. She's obviously tired and defeated. She had enough of it. She loved it but she's doubting herself whether this is the life that she wanted. She's not giving up, she's taking a break. Or maybe she's not. 

Why?

At this part, at this time, at this moment, I ask myself a question,
Why the heck did I choose architecture?

Though it is too late, three years too late. Why, darn it, why ?

*okay sambung buat kerja.

This is it

Luckily, yesterday's arduous trial ended well. I couldn't be much happier because I'm getting sick of working non-stop without ever taking a break. But actually actually actually, the real hardcore adventure was just started to begin. Three more weeks 'till the final presentation. Till the finale, the end of the road (Not really ada short sem untuk heritage studies but you know what I mean )

Well, then, in the name of Allah the most gracious and the most merciful, let it begin and may it end pleasantly. 

I had my second crit session today. I had to work non-stop for three days since the lecturers asked for computerized drawings, scale 1:100. You see, I had to produce nine computerized drawings in three days, along with several models. I must say, today's crit was by far the most exhausting crit session I have ever gone through. But alhamdulillah, it certainly went well than I expected. 

Moral of the day, when you wanna gain something, you gotta give something. Oh ye, is it me or saya rasa Jim Sturgess jadi hensem bila jadi Hae-Joo Chang dalam Cloud Atlas. Tapi macam pelik pun ada. Hoho.

Meow-ing

The thought of spending the rest of my life with the same person actually scares me. What if things go wrong? What if I make the wrong choice? What if he's not the one? What if being a wife is something that I am not profoundly good at? What if one day it falls apart?

Nevertheless.

The ideas of having someone beside me through thick and thin, having somebody to create memories with, sharing stories and laughter or just 'belong' to someone, are actually quite plausible though.

Ehhhh, focus jawab soalan MARA dulu !!!

Penang

I never thought that Penang would be such an amazing and exquisite place. The culture, the tradition, the old buildings, the architecture, the people, the history and the food. Penang has its own charm I must say. Though the heat was a bit unbearable and the sun was blaring, I really did enjoy walking around here and there, especially in Nagore Square and the famous art street of Lorong Armenian. The longer I walked, the more I fell for this place.

I am definitely coming back, Penang.

Disagree to Disagree

During our Professional Practice and Management class, Dr. Asiah kept on saying how we should draw for money. 

Permission to disagree dear Dr. Asiah.

The sole reason why I chose to stick with architecture at the first place, probably till my last dying breath was because I love architecture. I love to draw and I love designing buildings since I was little. I love creating spaces for humans. I love serving their needs for shelters. I love playing with colours, forms and I love that architecture is for people, not for us. We are responsible upon human's comfort and safety. We are to create something for humans to live happily.

Money might keep the world go around but money shouldn't be a priority. I've seen troubles caused by money. I've seen friends and families suffering because of money. And I've seen what people can transform into once they are overwhelmed by money. 

Architecture might not be the easiest field around and I acknowledge the fact that an architect probably won't earn much but as long as I am happy, it doesn't simply bother me at all.

Setiap manusia ada rezeki masing-masing. Kalau niat betul, Allah tak akan abaikan kita.

Breaking the rules

Number 24 : Break the rules.

You know what? I'm gonna break the rules. I'm no longer going to play on the safe side. How are you going to thrive without giving yourself chances to explore world? I've been on my comfortable zone for a very long time and at some pint, I gotta break free. This is going to be fun.

Our first presentation, we nailed it :)

Pluviophile

It finally rained !! Alhamdulillah :)

Not happening bro

Guess it's not going to happen. Perhaps it was all a mere illusion, a semblance of reality, a ghostly apparition of happiness. I thought it would be something for me to hold on, something that I would be happily succumbed to, but yet, I was hanging by a thread all along, again.

Sigh.

It feels like the fate with sympathy in his voice, says; 

" Not happening bro, not happening. "

Graduating Semester

So this is my graduating semester. If God wills, I'll be completing my 3-year study this September thus, shall be applauded as a graduate this October. I still can't quite convincing myself that I am a final year student, all of these seem so unrealistic.

The best part about my this semester is my credit hour is only up to 15 hours, the least I have ever had. Isn't that exciting? For me lah. And every semester, anew resolution is to be written. I figure, since I am 21, I should be more responsible, more sensible and I should start perceive things seriously. And I should adhere to my own rules. I should be manusia yang berpendirian teguh. Black means black. Tak ada nak grey-grey. Azam baru. Attitude pun kena baru.

Oooh it's gonna be hard.

Oh Dear :')

Alhamdulillah. 

Despite of what happened last semester, despite of the heart breaks and breakdowns, well, I didn't suck. I almost gave up, I was thinking about starting over and orchestrating my life all over again. But I chose to stay, to forge ahead, embracing the chances of being deeply hurt again or to prosper again. 

I am never going to look back again. Last semester, was my downfall and I refuse to dwell upon it. Enough is enough, because this time, will be my last chance. 2014, here I come. 

Sweet Serial Killer

If I lay really quiet, I know that what I do isn't right,
I can't stop what I love to do.
So I murder love in the night,
Watching them fall one by one they fight,
Do you think you'll love me too ?

Baby,
I'm a sociopath, sweet serial killer.
On the warpath,
'Cause I love you just a little too much.
I love you just A little too much....

Langkawi 2014

My trip to Langkawi a few days ago changed something inside of me. It triggered this other side of me that I never knew it existed, never realized its presence. I never thought I would be at peace amidst trees and the hills, while feeling so insignificant whilst standing in front of the vast blue sea along with shades of green. It's like witnessing a painting, carefully rendered by a meticulous painter. While the painting's most likely based on an imagination and surreal, the sea is real, it is there.

I miss the clear blue sea, the breeze, the soft white sand and the absence of pressure. It was a perfect escapade. I miss the nightlife, the colourful lights, the cheap souvenirs and mostly, I miss the ambiance of Langkawi.

Bibliophile

2014

Lemme tell you how my 2013 went by.

My 2013 started when I was in my second semester of my second year. As I have mentioned before, it was the most physically challenging semester so far. We had submissions every single week, site visits and presentations, drawings and videos, models and A0-size papers. But it was, by far, the most exciting semester. I started to mingle around, got to know more people, made friends, I talked with different people everyday, I had crushes on boys, and I was, well, less ashamed to be around people. I was spending more days in the studio, I realized how easy things would be if you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones, and I was tutored by the best lecturers. 

Then came the short semester. Again, I had fun. Dealing with friends from different departments was kinda headache. Working as a team wasn't so bad though some members seemed to vanish most of the time. Our office was one of the nicest with purple, gray and turquoise sheets everywhere. We had our moments where we fought, where we disagreed in most matters, where most of my ideas were rejected because it was too "ambitious". Thank you very much PM. I was given a chance to be the APM. My worst moment was when I had not sleep for more than 40 hours to complete the project and my proudest moment when we, Vertika Consultant was one of the two groups to obtain an A for this semester. We did it guys. People thought we couldn't do it and we prove them wrong. Dead wrong. 

So, the final year. The first semester, honestly, this semester was my downfall. I was miserable for the whole semester because I was completely uninspired and uninventive. I used to have ideas swamping in my head but this time, I blanked out. Perhaps it had to do with the typology that we were given. I dreaded our studio days. Still, I had to pull myself together if I wanted to end it nicely. In the end, it wasn't what I was expecting but I was too exhausted to give a damn. But I wasn't going to give up. Suddenly, a sudden urge to fight, to design again, to prove that I'm still on the track emerged. I actually couldn't wait for the following semester. 

I traveled a lot this year. I went to Melaka, I went to Kelantan and to Cameron Highlands. I drove here and there,beyond far form what I thought I could go. And discovered various of restaurants or cafes and let me said it out loud, I love food. 

2013 was an emotional year for me. I can't remember how many tears have I shed or how many times my stomach hurt from laughing.Whatever did happen, was a preparation and experience to forge ahead for the upcoming next years. I'm packing my bags, older and wiser, to move on to 2014.

My sole plan for this 2014; start reading Sir Arthur Canon Doyle's Sherlock Holmes.