Twenty Four

Is it weird that I've been thinking about death lately? Death is inevitable but the prospect seemes more conceptual than a reality. But when death is so near to you, when death started to struck people around you, you realize that life is short. Life is too short. When we were children, death was once perceived as temporary or a separation. Death only happened to villains and death only happened in movies, plays or books. Because the finality of death was not fully comprehended to the childish mind. 

I'm a year older, getting closer to death now. What a depressing thought to start my 24th year.

Not So Random Thought

I thought I already made myself clear. I thought it was pretty obvious. But apparently some people failed to comprehend the message, to grasp its meaning. Perhaps my message was too subtle or too imperceptible to your mind and senses. Okay then.

No, no. It was not for you, and it was never you. Go and live your life. Don't flatter yourself.

There, I said it.

The Graduation Day

Graduation means all your hard-work is finally paid off. All your blood, tears and sweats mean something. Your moments of despair, desperation and distress finally worth of something. Architecture does bear some version of uncertainty and some degree of doubts in today's relentless fashions, but in the end, architecture has always been my passion.

Bachelor of Architecture (Hons.),

Class of 2016.

His Majesty

I have this weird obsession with Henry VIII whom I discovered years ago but gotten quite fascinated with his life recently. I've read fictions about him, watched some documentaries about his life and of course some historical dramas about him and his series of six wives.

King Henry VIII was one of the famous English monarchs, and is probably the most well known  of the Tudor kings, reigning from 1509 - 1547. He was known for the separation of Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church.  But he was utterly famous for marrying a total of six wives, where most of them met premature ends, in his search for political alliances, marital bliss and a male heir. 

Ok, from the start. This is going to be a long tedious ride folks and do correct me if I am wrong.

So, King Henry was married to Queen Katherine of Aragon, the daughter of the powerful Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand. They were blessed with a daughter, Princess Mary but the king still desired for a son to inherit his throne. Eventually, the king grew frustrated with his marriage since the Queen failed to conceive a son. Some time in 1520, King Henry became infatuated with Anne Boleyn, one of the Queen's lady-in-waiting. So the king wished to marry Anne Boleyn but obviously his wish was rebuffed by the Pope. Since his annulment was without papal approval, King Henry proceeded to separate Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church in order to marry Anne Boleyn. After almost 24 years of marriage, the King divorced Queen Katherine and banished her from the court.

King Henry had another daughter with the second queen, Princess Elizabeth I. Happy ending never was for Anne Boleyn. She was beheaded by the order of the king for treason and infidelity. Months later, he married Jane Seymour, the third queen. Queen Jane Seymour gave birth to a son, the future King Edward IV, but she died weeks later due to postnatal complications.

The fourth marriage was with a political bride, Anne of Cleves. But the marriage only lasted for several days because King Henry did not find Anne of Cleves to be as attractive as her portrait. He had his marriage annulled and proceed to marry his fifth wife, Catherine Howard. Two years later, Queen Catherine was executed on count of treason and adultery. His final marriage was to the widow Catherine Parr before his death in 1547. 

My first thought of King Henry was he's a bully. A tyrant. He sent two of his wives to the chopping block, one was banished from the court and well one was dead. He also executed relatives, ministers, courtiers and also friends, mostly on count of treason. Those who refused to acknowledge his marriage to Anne Boleyn were regarded as traitors. Those who associated with the traitors were also as guilty. And those who never acknowledge him as the superior of the Church of England were acquitted as heretics. He renounced his daughters' illegitimacy, and he forbade Princess Mary from visiting her mother, Queen Katherine, even on her death bed, for fear these two lot would concoct a secret plan towards him. There, the man you love to hate.

But.

But, I think, perhaps His Majesty's ruthlessness, cruelty and blustering egotism were just a masquerade for his insecurity. He was too insecure in his own sense of self, which rendered him to be quite vulnerable to being influenced by those around him, especially by those who had the means and intentions to make Henry feel better about himself. Henry was deeply insecure, and that these individuals were able to exploit and manipulate that insecurity through a different kind of ways.

Or just maybe he developed a firm inner certitude, where he listened to no one but himself and trusting his own opinion and judgement completely.

King Henry VIII, who was once vouched as the handsomest king during his earliest reign, who was once "one of the goodliest men that lived in his time, in manners more than a man, most amiable, courteous and benign in gesture unto all " , an overweight depressed king with erratic behavior, died at the age of  55.

At the end there was no master and servant, no prince and churchman; just a priest preparing a departing soul for eternity.

Henry VII is a complex character. This is why I have an odd fascination about His Majesty.

50 Hues of Grey

I've realized a few things in attempts to live a healthier lifestyle. 

First, you gotta drink lots and lots of water. Drinking adequate amount water (do pronounce woo-tah) can reduce headaches and your waste management system can occur smoothly. You need your waste management to run efficiently to prevent kidney failure and to avoid any toxic accumulation in your body. You see, toxic accumulation can cause skin reactions, constipation, and consistent fatigue. You are going to have lots of site visits in bathroom, but you'll get used to it.

Secondly, you gotta reduce salt intake in your meals. Salt absorbs water because of its ionic compound, which means it is hygroscopic (I miss chemistry!). So, when your salt intake is quite excessive, your body is losing water. When your body starts to lose water, you will start to feel hungry and this is when you consume more food or more calories than your body needs. Sometimes, when you are starting to feel hungry, it simply means that your body is merely signaling 'more woo-tahh!'

Thirdly, if you are trying to lose weight, never go on a starving spree. When you decided to starve yourself, you are depriving your body of energy ( trust me, I did this and I gained like 2 kilos from NOT eating- what the heck ). Meaning, your body has no sufficient energy to burn calories and fats. So, you need to eat carbs (as long as it doesn't exceed the required calories intake) for your metabolism to function properly. Plus, what is life without carbohydrates?

Fourthly, you gotta reduce your sugar intake too. Sugar is love, sugar is life, yes I get it. But sugar can kill you, man. Until you are a person who spends 2-3 hours in gym or an athlete who will be participating in the next Olympics in Japan, sugar can be your arch enemy. Huhu. Human body isn't designed to consume excessive amount of sugar, especially fructose. Sugar simply '..tricks your body into gaining weight and affects your insulin and leptin signaling. Fructose fools your metabolism by turning off your body's appetite-control system. It fails to stimulate insulin, which in turn fails to suppress ghrelin, or "the hunger hormone," which then fails to stimulate leptin or "the satiety hormone." This causes you to eat more and develop insulin resistance'. Thanks doctor. 

Next, you gotta exercise. Urghh. This is the worst part in order to have a healthy lifestyle. I'm too lazy to write about exercise. You know what is best for your own body. 

You know what's my favorite form of exercise? Sleeping. As a former architecture student, sleeping was a luxury that I couldn't afford. Now that I have completed my studies and currently a proud unemployed former architecture student, a big hooray for bedtime. Ok, you need a good night sleep and a good amount of sleeping hours. Sleep matters (hooray!). Sleep deprivation has severe impacts on our brain particularly. When you are sleep deprived, your brain is not having enough rest to function well. That is why we tend to have headaches, depression, and also weight problem. I once almost had an accident while driving when I was sleep deprived, because my brain failed to perceive the red light at a traffic stop. Eh so does oversleep. Oversleep too has its own consequences. 

Lastly, you gotta be happy. Just be happy. Spend your days with people who make you laugh and inspired. Do all the things that make you happy, like reading or travelling or eating(careful now). Do everything in moderation. 

"Everything good that happens to you (O Man) is from God, everything bad that happens to you is from your own actions". (Quran 4:79).

Conclusion, I realised it is not exactly about losing weight. It is about getting healthy and losing fats. Do you know what fats could do to your heart? So far in these few attempts, I no longer have consistent fatigue, I can do physical activities at a longer period and I feel a bit lighter than before. I do have some reasons for a healthier lifestyle but trust me, it is not to lose weight mainly.  

Conclusion 2.0, as you know, I'm not a medical student ( but I wanted to be a nutritionist when  I was in high school ) so maybe some facts above are not exactly right or misleading (sorry for that). I watched Grey's Anatomy so much that I started to have a major concern regarding health issue. But watching Grey's Anatomy is so darn hard because most of the main characters either die, get cancer or just left the show. So much for being happy.

Random Thought #6

When you are almost 24 but people still treat you like a schoolgirl.
Hmm.


Flattered or insulted?

Baking Soda

                                 

I used to think people with routines in their lives are those who are too afraid to deal with everyday surprises or those who aren't on spur of the moment, people who abide to their schedule are just lack in spontaneity and too rigid to live their lives. These people, who live their live their live where everything is outlined and planned, where everything is pretty much predictable and tedious. Routine negates fun, says I.  But guess what, life is unpredictable.

Whilst I often considered me-self as a carefree lass with a taste of randomness (well...). I often changed my mind (much to people's chagrin), I did my chores whenever I felt like, never had a study plan, people often found me in different places, I didn't have any favourites (food, drinks, movies and such), and I kinda went with the flow.

That was why I hated baking. I love cooking because you can still mess up with the recipe and the ingredients and still the results can be marvelous. But with baking, you gotta stick to the exact techniques and ingredients if you wish to have a sublime result.

But that was the younger version of me. The immature and silly me.  As days passed by, I realized I do need routines. I do need to stick by rules (and recipe). My life has gone pretty hectic for the past few months (years?) and the absolute way to live again is with routines. My life is not even close to what I thought it would be like a year ago. I kinda need plans for everything and sometimes it’s scary to let go of  plans because then it is like you are inviting all kinds of uncertainty into your life. I think I'm a bit more responsible, thoughtful and maybe a bit boring nowadays.

Routines actually renders us a sense of familiarity and structure, in other words, everything you do will eventually make sense. You have ownership, organization and orders in everything you do. It is like you are slowly being surged to the proper direction. Just like baking! You stick with the ingredients and techniques, and then you wait for the dough to rise in the oven and the house becomes saturated with the scents of butter and flour and chocolate; pulling the pans out of the oven and finding the dough transformed into something golden and perfect.

But still, life doesn’t always work out the way you plan it. You must be able to go with the flow regardless of whether you have a plan or not. I still do enjoy being in the moment rather than worry about happens tomorrow or in the future. That why I haven't still gotten a job!

Live and Let Live

Hello and good afternoon.

Since I have an ample time on my own, I've decided to find some time for blogging again, to write my thoughts and stories, to immerse myself in words again. I had this intention a while back ago but I'd always pull back because I thought my life had lost its spark. Honestly, interesting stuffs had been happening so far and I need to start writing again. You see, writing used to be one of my main creative outlets, but I've been putting it off for a reason, that I've lost grip on my ownself.

I stopped writing (not entirely-I used to have plenty of things to write- I'd write almost everyday) when things were getting pretty serious. I had a need of proving myself to the society and started to deviate to an opposite way, and that was when I got lost. I was focusing too hard on worldly possessions, acknowledgments and achievements, and I realized none of them were worthy.

Since my life is kinda put on a hold, slowly, I started to pull myself together. I started to expel any negativity, start feeling more content of this life (Alhamdulillah), start eating healthy food, reading more story books, cut ties with toxic people, spend more time with my family, and simply moving on. It felt liberating. Oh, and I have cats now. Not a cat, but cats, like 5 of them.

So, here's to better tomorrows, to a better life. Peace!

Hi!

I have been a wee busy these past two weeks, especially when it's over. 

Hi, I think I just finished my second degree in architecture. Hi, I think I have just completed my 5 plus 1 years in architecture. And hi, I feel a bit empty because I have just concluded my study days. It surely felt a bit odd when your usual weeks filled with classes and assignments, came to a sudden halt. All these free times, I am quite restless. 

I was busy indeed; I was occupying my days pondering and wondering about what lies ahead. Not really hihi. I finally attain some me-time; reading, drawing, cooking, watching the telly and of course sleeping. I was thinking about taking some break or merely going on a hiatus. 5 years of emotional roller coaster and a continuous loop of struggle, I think I deserve a rest. And a long long sleep.

Happy Ramadhan folks!

#roadtofinals

A month left to end this arduous journey. It does seem a bit surreal though, after almost 5 years, the ending is only a month away. I actually can't fathom the idea that I am going to finish this. Usually, when things ended, there were always some kind of arrangement of what would lie beyond. I would have an epiphany, a glimpse of what's ahead. Yet at this particular moment, for the first time in my life, I am actually going to be on my own with my future direction to be steered to by myself. And I honestly do not know what the future may hold.

Hat's Off

Leonardo finally won the Oscar for the Best Actor! The internet hasn't stop with all the hyping and buzzing since this long anticipated moment. That moment when Leonardo finally held his Oscar proudly and walked off the stage with the coveted trophy. Finally, after 5 Oscar nominations, countless recognition and other accolades, he did it. 

I like this part of the speech, when he took the time to talk about the earth. Our precious earth, where we human are so keen of destroying, as if we have another planet to go to after this planet is doomed - climatic changes are palpable, sea-level is rising (the added water from melting ice), the existence of certain animals are ceasing and we humans are starting to get infected by new diseases everyday. 

Anyhoo, been rooting for yah Leo since I saw Catch Me If You Can (didn't and won't watch Titanic because the ending was too depressing) and please do great movies again. 

Pachelbel's Canon in D

Everyone's getting pretty ecstatic when it comes to marriage. Marriage, a typical conversation at my age, which is at the shy age of 24 (I'm actually 23 but people doesn't agree with that). I received four wedding invitations this month, my family won't stop talking about marriage, especially le mom, which the conversation always subtly aimed at me) and le friends are starting to settle down. 

You think your life is set at a fast pace and you think its a bit early to even have a slight notion on marriage, but its not. At this age, I should at least have that someone special (said le mom because she was married at this age) or start looking one. Where on earth can I find one? Maybe I've missed him on streets or maybe I haven't met him yet. Worst scenario, he's probably dead. Okay, that's depressing. 

I have this awesome perfect single life, where all I do is eating, sleeping, tv-ing, whining, complaining, and sometimes pooping. So I am not exactly sure if I am ready to give up those things because I think, marriage is a hard work.

You see, before getting married, I think people ought to prepare themselves, or at least have accustomed to the fact that married life will not be easy. I've seen some married couple who have problems in adjusting with each other, because they thought marriage is simply a legitimate bond between two people where they are allowed to legally 'snuggling'. But marriage is more than being intimate, it is where you and your spouse against the world. So I've been told.

I think marriage bears a lot of meanings, understandings and works but I'm getting pretty bored with this topic so I'm going to end my post. I guess I'll end my single life when the right dude pops out with a 24-carat diamond ring. Haha!

My Perfect Little World

My perfect little world would be a world where everybody was rich and money was the least thing to be worried about. Nobody would succumb to poverty, nobody would be hungry, nobody would be homeless and nobody would have to work so grueling for the sake of money. 

The only thing that would driven them mad would be the doings of charity. Those who did the most charity would be perceived and uphold as the respected and the powerful ones. And those who are lacking in charity would be deemed as the scums of the earth.  Everybody would be racing to do charity. Everybody would want to clean public toilets, everybody would plant trees, collect trashes, feed the animals, take care of the elders and orphans, teach kids in school, build houses, clean the streets, and prevent any injustice, for free. Or simply be on their best behaviors. 

Nobody has to suffer. No wars to be declared. No missile to be launched. No petty theft, no desperate people. Men were respected, women were appreciated, children were loved, and animals were petted.

What's the harm to imagine, because in reality,  the world is too dire, too depressed, and too overwhelming for to deal with.

Random Thought #5

2015 wasn't exactly a pleasant year for me. I must say, life isn't always fair. At one time you are giggling merrily and the next day, you are the bereft character in your own storyline. But my 2015 version was a bit excruciating. I'm being a tad melodramatic here. So I'll conclude my 2015 in a few words. I cried, I bled, I fell and I rose up. T'was an endless cycle of monotony and repetitiveness in general actually.

So far, 2016 has been pacing slowly, well because it's semester break. It's the 4th day of 2016 and I am still obliged to wish you  a very Happy New Year. May 2016 be one of your best years and may the force be with you. Peace.