A Piece of My Mind

Just because I live a normal life and you don't, just because I am better in certain things than you and just because I am close to certain people and you aren't, that doesn't give you a license to be a bitch to me. So you talked behind our backs, you wrote hurtful stuffs about us, about me and my friends whom you barely knew, well, that's your freaking right. I don't care. You're not worth my time. What ever happened to you all this time, that's your balasan. Allah balas on the spot. Free of charge. 

Dan kau still considered diri kau manusia yang baik, yang alim, yang indah, bla bla bla. Bullshit. 

*Sorry for my vulgar words. 

So That Was The End

So that was it. I have officially finished my second year. It wasn't easy, in fact it was the toughest year I've been so far but I had so much fun, like seriously, too much fun that I wished second year wouldn't end this quickly. I gotta admit, my first day of second year I was shaking my knees and biting my lips, sweating and I was anxious. But it all ended well. We designed larger buildings, we learned more about construction, we worked with each other, we got to know each other and obviously we had no time for ourselves. It was the busiest year in my life yet. And then there was the time when we have to say goodbye.

Then I looked back at this year, well, I've done my best. I've made new friends. I've gotten to know people. I've learned lots of new things. I've been to places. I've gained experiences. I've done this, I've eaten that. I've been through thick and thin. I've reached one of my lowest points in life and I've been over the moon. I've made memories. I've changed.

It was a good year, no, a great year and I wish the final will be even better, insya-allah.

Compilation kerja satu semester.

For Vertika

That sad moment when you realized it's over. It's over. The 6 weeks of struggle has ended and all was well. It was no doubt a challenging project. I learned new things, I made new friends, and I had fun. As usual, I was a bit emotional and distraught when it's time to bid goodbyes. The 6 weeks we've been spending together, of days full with discussions, arguments, laughters, headaches, I shall not forget. I'm gonna miss those moments.

Dear members of Vertika Consultant, thank you very much for everything. Thank you for sticking by till the end, through thick and thin, thank you for spending and dedicating your time for this project, thank you for working so hard to pull it off, thank you for contributing ideas, thank you for the knowledge, thank you for given me a chance to be your APM, thank you for getting along with each others, thank you for all the laughters, thank you for the memories. :')

* lie down, not to cry, cry a lot.

Salam Syawal dari saya dan suami, 

hehehe XD

An Invisible Fool

I was proud when you said I've changed. I was proud when you said I've improved, that I've actually have developed myself. The old me was another lost chapter in my book, no longer lingered in my mind. What used to be me was just another old string of history. Another forgotten episode of past.

You know what made me the proudest? It's a solid fact that I've finally detached myself from what used to be something between us. That thing between us could be something real, if you haven't being such a fool. You were a fool. An  insolent fool.

Thank you for being a reason for me to grow up and to look ahead without you. No matter how big you are, you are just an invisible fool to me.

Ada sebab kita mengenali seseorang dalam hidup kita. Allah tidak akan hadirkan seseorang itu tanpa sebab.

It's Gone Before It's Even Started

After a while searching, you've finally found the right one. The one that fits perfectly with you, the one that excites you, the one that is worth it, the one that manages to conquer your heart, the one that you want to spend your special moments with. But then you realized, you can't have it. You love it so much but you just have to let it go because you simply can't have it.  The two of you weren't meant to be together. The two of you were meant to say goodbye.

No matter how deep your love is, you just have to walk away. You love it enough to let it go. Looking back makes it harder, makes you weaker. It haunts your sleep, it invades your dream and sometimes, you just couldn't see even on a clear day. You try to stay strong but you are not strong enough. All you can do for now is to move on no matter how hurt it will be. And you bid the last goodbye and blow it with your final kiss. 

I will never find another perfect baju kurung like you. Sob sob. 

Counting Stars

It started as a mere contact between two irrelevant parties.  Both parties seemed to bond good and was rock solid. Both parties were well aware of how critical the situation would be if mutualism was no where to found. .When a commotion started, both parties would bump head to head to fix it. So the situation and involvement was curbed with such professionalism but unfortunately, I failed to adhere to the rules

Sigh.

It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened. It was supposed to be a short commitment drizzling with headaches and anxiety. It should not have happened but anything could happen. I shouldn't be overwhelmed with such feelings. I do wish I was strong enough to shake this feeling away, to not let it get to me, I wish I was strong enough to let it pass. And I wish there's an off button for this.

This is wrong but I couldn't help it.

Funhouse

Since there's like a few days left till Hari Raya, we were given a week of holiday starting last Saturday. So I've been home for 2 days and I've become restless. I've been so used of being occupied and when there's nothing much to do around the house, I'm clueless. Before this, my life used to revolve around work and basically, my home was my studio. I spent 2/3 of my day there and I only returned to hostel just to take a bath or to sleep. Oh sleep. Sleep was a luxury that I couldn't afford. Did I tell you 42 hours of no sleep was my record?

When I'm home, I have problems to readjust my life, particularly my sleep routine. I have no idea what to do with my days so I end up watching the idiot box. I used to watch cooking channels but my growling stomach gets really agitated. I did try practicing my piano skill but eventually I got bored. I tried reading books but then the next minute everything turned to pitch black. How mysterious. I thought of sketching and doodling but I didn't bring my sketch book or my pencils. I uninstalled all of my games that I had in my laptop because of certain reasons. And I'm too lazy to complete my assignment.

So I end up writing in this space. Perhaps I should try writing stories or whatever.