Twenty One

Well, I was 21 yesterday. It felt like it's the end and it also felt kinda liberating. It's like a sign saying;

"You are on your own now dear gal. You should be more wiser, stop acting like a child and start thinking about tomorrows. "

And then it struck me. I'm graduating in 6 months, I'm 21 and my mom kept on rambling about marriage. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared to discover the world outside. I'm scared to be on my own. I'm scared to be responsible on every decisions and actions I'll make. I'm scared to be out from this comfort zone. Like they say, experience life at its best with all your own bills, problems and worries.

Then I realized;

" You are own your own now dear gal. You have the license to make your own choices. And you are free. They won't be treating you like a child anymore. You should experience this life. Go out there and make amends with the world. This is it. This is the new chapter of your life."

This is life. It scares me knowing that I'm on my own now but on the other hand, I am kinda exciting to start this show. 

Oh you make me smile

Dear Architecture,

You make me smile like the sun, fall outta bed,  sing like a bird, dizzy in my head, spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night, you make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like a gold, buzz like a bee. Just the thought of you can drive me wild.

Oh, you make me smile...

The Game Isn't Over Yet

I love architecture. I really do ! But sometimes it got really tough and at some point, I had to retreat myself into the corner of the room, trying to pull myself back together and wiping off the tears that were coursing down my cheeks.

Well, this is me, being an architecture student. It gets hard here and then, but it doesn't stop me from stepping back into the game. I have to plot my own strategy and choose the best weapon because the game isn't over yet.

Have a happy weekend.

Mediocrity

My days have been occupied with new priorities that needed to be resolved as quickly as possible yet to be handled delicately because even a single mistake would claim my own calamity.

There are so much things to be done yet so little time. Precious time is slipping away and I am here whereas the world outside is as beautiful as it can be. I kept uttering to myself, this thing, this whole thing, this suffocating atmosphere that pervaded every minute of my day will end one day. Then I'll be free. 

Footnote : Huwaa tak sabar nak graduate ! Penat nak balik nak tido sob sob !

And in the end,
we were all just humans,
drunk on the idea
that love,
only love,
could heal
our 
brokenness.

My Space

Introverts; they won't spend their precious energy on someone who doesn't want them around.

So you do understand why have I been avoiding and ignoring you all this moment. It is simply because I don't feel needed and I know you would be much better off without me. Who am I to stand in your way? Who am I to invade your living space? I'm just somebody that you used to know. Hey, no hard feelings yeah?

Oh November

Sekali jatuh tak semestinya jatuh selamanya. Sekali gagal tak semestinya gagal selamanya. Sekali kena hentam, bangun lah balik supaya lecturer dah tak hentam. Tak apa korang, tak apa. Walaupun sakit dan frust bagai nak rak, walaupun saya dah buat yang terbaik, nampak gayanya tak cukup.

But this is just the beginning. The show is about to start. You have the ideas, they liked  your ideas and your intentions. It's all about execution and exploration of ideas. It's still in your head. Perhaps it was a sign to show you how great mishap would be if you choose to take it lightly. One single mistake would lead to a calamitous defeat against your own destiny.

So stop wallowing in your sorrows of days before. Stay positive. Everything happens for a reason. Prove that all this suffering and struggling are worthy. Show them your potential, show them that you have woken up from a deep sleep and you are ready to rumble. This ain't over yet. The war has just begun.

Count not your struggle, as accompanying it are countless blessings, as behind every test lies blessings, that the mind never think of and the heart never thought of.

The Other Side of the Room

Everything is there. Everything is set. All it needs is persistency and some conclusions.

So the questions would be,

Are you ready? Are you going to fight till your last hope dies ? Are you going to find ways to get to it even if your sight is clouded by uncertainty and dubiety?

or

Are you going to give up? Are you going to raise your white flag? Are you going to die without even trying? And are you going to let it slip through your finger?

We're almost there. We're half way there. But we have our own distractions and fear, doubts and all the what ifs. And this is the worst moment to kept silent, because being silent doesn't solve anything.

Butter and Bread

So I ended up reading a novel, flipping pages by pages, imagining myself as the main protagonist; who had to go through several events that left her life to be miserable. It took me days to finish this novel since this novel is as thick as a dictionary but you know what they say, you're never alone when you're reading a book.

And I too ended up cooking, experimenting with different ingredients, trying to devise my own version of meal, though I made a heck of a mess in the kitchen. I love cooking, it's like playing with a chemistry set. You mix ingredient A with ingredient B, drizzle them with a bit of ingredient C, sizzling on instrument D, and voila, my perfect lunch. 

Well, my ordinary and bland holiday is coming to an end and believe it or not, I'm actually excited to go back to my campus.

Let it Rain

The wondrous beauty of rain, the memories it makes, and the comforts it can create. Rainy days actually make me smile. No matter how miserable I would be, I would feel at ease when it rains because rainy days make me feel secure and and it feels like nothing can be held against me. To linger under the rain and feel it as it tickles every exposed senses is my antidote.

Even at moments when my whole world felt to shatter and obliterate or when I had to face unpalatable truths, or when I had to condone a few horrendous matters, I would imagine myself dancing under the rain. Then everything would fall back into pieces. 

A bit odd isn't it, rain? It is like the world shuts itself to give a chance for the nature to redeem itself or to take a minute off. Don't ya just love the rain?

Salam Aidil Adha

Salam Aidil Adha :)

Breaking Away

Keep calm and take a deep deep breath because it's holiday. To some people, it's only a week. You can't do much in a week. 

But for me, who haven't had any exact break even before this semester commenced, a one-week-holiday means a great deal. I've intended to create something for this holiday, perhaps a memory. Or pursuing something vague or by chance executing something foolish that could take my minds off awhile from this hectic plus chaotic life so when the new day begins, I'll be as fresh as a daisy. 

"Just for once, I would like to wake up in the morning and the only thing that would baffle my mind is what's there for breakfast."

Me My Mirror

What if the only reason we can't walk through mirrors is because our reflection blocks us ?

What if they're protecting us ?

What if they know that the other side is horrifying and painful and they are trying to keep us from crossing over ?

I must be on the wrong side then.

Or maybe you are the reflection.

Shushh...

I close my mouth and speak to you in a hundred silent ways. You won't be hearing anything from me but if you close your eyes and sit tightly, you shall hear my voice echoing through the darkness. If you stop talking and start listening, you could hear my voice calling for you. And if you start trusting your heart, you will notice my presence.

Season 3

I was totally unprepared to start my days as a final year student. I was busy conducting an orientation week for new students that I forgot that I was supposed to get ready but then, I had too much fun with my Taaruf buddies.

So final year. Which means extra hard work, extra attention, no fooling around, focus solely on what's important and again, hard work. Funny isn't it? Time flies really fast. It still feels like it was yesterday I was in my first day, trying to comprehend myself with architecture and the next thing I knew, I'm a final year student. I've survived architecture for almost 3 years.

It's going to be a long year. A long tough year. In the name of Allah, the most beneficent, the most merciful, let the journey begins. 

A Piece of My Mind

Just because I live a normal life and you don't, just because I am better in certain things than you and just because I am close to certain people and you aren't, that doesn't give you a license to be a bitch to me. So you talked behind our backs, you wrote hurtful stuffs about us, about me and my friends whom you barely knew, well, that's your freaking right. I don't care. You're not worth my time. What ever happened to you all this time, that's your balasan. Allah balas on the spot. Free of charge. 

Dan kau still considered diri kau manusia yang baik, yang alim, yang indah, bla bla bla. Bullshit. 

*Sorry for my vulgar words. 

So That Was The End

So that was it. I have officially finished my second year. It wasn't easy, in fact it was the toughest year I've been so far but I had so much fun, like seriously, too much fun that I wished second year wouldn't end this quickly. I gotta admit, my first day of second year I was shaking my knees and biting my lips, sweating and I was anxious. But it all ended well. We designed larger buildings, we learned more about construction, we worked with each other, we got to know each other and obviously we had no time for ourselves. It was the busiest year in my life yet. And then there was the time when we have to say goodbye.

Then I looked back at this year, well, I've done my best. I've made new friends. I've gotten to know people. I've learned lots of new things. I've been to places. I've gained experiences. I've done this, I've eaten that. I've been through thick and thin. I've reached one of my lowest points in life and I've been over the moon. I've made memories. I've changed.

It was a good year, no, a great year and I wish the final will be even better, insya-allah.

Compilation kerja satu semester.

For Vertika

That sad moment when you realized it's over. It's over. The 6 weeks of struggle has ended and all was well. It was no doubt a challenging project. I learned new things, I made new friends, and I had fun. As usual, I was a bit emotional and distraught when it's time to bid goodbyes. The 6 weeks we've been spending together, of days full with discussions, arguments, laughters, headaches, I shall not forget. I'm gonna miss those moments.

Dear members of Vertika Consultant, thank you very much for everything. Thank you for sticking by till the end, through thick and thin, thank you for spending and dedicating your time for this project, thank you for working so hard to pull it off, thank you for contributing ideas, thank you for the knowledge, thank you for given me a chance to be your APM, thank you for getting along with each others, thank you for all the laughters, thank you for the memories. :')

* lie down, not to cry, cry a lot.

Salam Syawal dari saya dan suami, 

hehehe XD

An Invisible Fool

I was proud when you said I've changed. I was proud when you said I've improved, that I've actually have developed myself. The old me was another lost chapter in my book, no longer lingered in my mind. What used to be me was just another old string of history. Another forgotten episode of past.

You know what made me the proudest? It's a solid fact that I've finally detached myself from what used to be something between us. That thing between us could be something real, if you haven't being such a fool. You were a fool. An  insolent fool.

Thank you for being a reason for me to grow up and to look ahead without you. No matter how big you are, you are just an invisible fool to me.

Ada sebab kita mengenali seseorang dalam hidup kita. Allah tidak akan hadirkan seseorang itu tanpa sebab.

It's Gone Before It's Even Started

After a while searching, you've finally found the right one. The one that fits perfectly with you, the one that excites you, the one that is worth it, the one that manages to conquer your heart, the one that you want to spend your special moments with. But then you realized, you can't have it. You love it so much but you just have to let it go because you simply can't have it.  The two of you weren't meant to be together. The two of you were meant to say goodbye.

No matter how deep your love is, you just have to walk away. You love it enough to let it go. Looking back makes it harder, makes you weaker. It haunts your sleep, it invades your dream and sometimes, you just couldn't see even on a clear day. You try to stay strong but you are not strong enough. All you can do for now is to move on no matter how hurt it will be. And you bid the last goodbye and blow it with your final kiss. 

I will never find another perfect baju kurung like you. Sob sob. 

Counting Stars

It started as a mere contact between two irrelevant parties.  Both parties seemed to bond good and was rock solid. Both parties were well aware of how critical the situation would be if mutualism was no where to found. .When a commotion started, both parties would bump head to head to fix it. So the situation and involvement was curbed with such professionalism but unfortunately, I failed to adhere to the rules

Sigh.

It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened. It was supposed to be a short commitment drizzling with headaches and anxiety. It should not have happened but anything could happen. I shouldn't be overwhelmed with such feelings. I do wish I was strong enough to shake this feeling away, to not let it get to me, I wish I was strong enough to let it pass. And I wish there's an off button for this.

This is wrong but I couldn't help it.

Funhouse

Since there's like a few days left till Hari Raya, we were given a week of holiday starting last Saturday. So I've been home for 2 days and I've become restless. I've been so used of being occupied and when there's nothing much to do around the house, I'm clueless. Before this, my life used to revolve around work and basically, my home was my studio. I spent 2/3 of my day there and I only returned to hostel just to take a bath or to sleep. Oh sleep. Sleep was a luxury that I couldn't afford. Did I tell you 42 hours of no sleep was my record?

When I'm home, I have problems to readjust my life, particularly my sleep routine. I have no idea what to do with my days so I end up watching the idiot box. I used to watch cooking channels but my growling stomach gets really agitated. I did try practicing my piano skill but eventually I got bored. I tried reading books but then the next minute everything turned to pitch black. How mysterious. I thought of sketching and doodling but I didn't bring my sketch book or my pencils. I uninstalled all of my games that I had in my laptop because of certain reasons. And I'm too lazy to complete my assignment.

So I end up writing in this space. Perhaps I should try writing stories or whatever. 

To be free

Some days I do ponder, what does it feel like to be free from any responsibilities, to be absence from any duty or to be drifting away from any obligation? What does it feel to be released from everything that has been holding me tight all these years? What does it feel like to not be expected and to not be the one who'll always be there? Or what does it feel like to be left alone ?

Honestly,

I am tired.

Welcome Back Ramadhan

Semoga Allah mempermudahkan ramadhan kali ini. Salam Ramadhan people :)

Don’t let this Ramadan be just a holiday of rituals. Don’t finish reading the Quran without it transforming you. Don’t feed your body at suhoor, but starve your heart of Qiyam. Don’t reduce this downpour of mercy to just a month of sweets and lavish iftars. Seek Him, you will find. Take a sincere step towards change, transformation, redemption. If you do, you will find Him in front of you. Find Him this month. He’s been there all along. Closer than your jugular vein. Look and you’ll find. Walk and you’ll arrive. 

-Yasmin Mogahed-

This Short Semester

So I thought it's gonna be a fun leisure semester considering that I only have two subjects throughout this short semester. I thought I would have more time for myself. I thought I could enjoy the discreet ambiance of IIUM. But as always, as usual, I was proven wrong. Why on earth did I thought it's gonna be one easy, breezy and lazy semester?

Ini architecture kot.

' Do you see how fast Ramadan came back around? That’s how short our lives are.'

A Masterpiece of Epic Proportions

So I went to watch Man of Steel with my old sweet gal. I've been wanting to watch this badly since I heard they were going to make a Superman movie. The last Superman movie was a bit damp and I assumed the upcoming one would be much greater and sensible. Okay, I lied. The reason I wanted to watch the movie in the first place because honestly I thought Henry Cavil was hot. Hehe.

Conclusion, it was awesome. Just awesome and I just love the hammering special effects of this movie. I could feel my heart thumped with such exhilarating beats and I wish I could watch it again. I don't care what the critics have to say. To me, it was fantabulous. Awesome enough to get my mind off from the reality, based on the fact that it's result day this Wednesday. Damn it. Need more time. Need more entertainment.

For Escape and For Solace

I read for escape and for solace. I realize how comforting a good book can be when the world makes me want to cry. The best part about books is they can take us away when our lives, our emotions, our troubles are a little too overwhelming for us to deal with for the moment. 

Walk of Shame

I hate this. Everything was fine. But then, feelings got involved when they shouldn't. In the end, someone always ended up getting hurt. When feelings got involved, everything seemed so wrong whenever problems arose. You no longer could see which one's real, which one's not. Where the heart and mind collided. What the heart said cannot be deemed by the conscious mind. Then life itself  became a charade, masquerading every steps, attempting to forge ahead, trying to be untouchable whilst inside, was just another broken wailing heart.

Skin knees are better to fix than broken hearts. Every superman needs a superwoman and it looks like I ain't your superwoman. Sorry. I am very very sorry. I really do wish this thing could have been different.

Rejuvenation

After a while, days ahead seemed a bit hellish. With me being a bit unwell, sleep deprived and tired, portfolio days were to come, and final examination's around the corner, every colours appeared to whirl around.

Right.

So the fifth semester and Architectural Design Part 4 has ended. Two more parts to go and then you may call me a graduate. The pieces of my life seems to fit again. The old life has been restored because dear people, it's holiday. The toughest semester so far and more unmanageable days to appear, no doubt. The way this semester had been, I am still surprised I didn't break down.

It was doubtless challenging. Three subjects that were headaching every week. Submissions every week, site visits every week, studio's progress were perpetually being monitored by the lecturers, and never let me babbling about the money. It was exhausting, tiring and do spell out all the synonyms available, thank you.

But on the bright side, I had fun. I really did. I gained experiences, I learnt new things, I visited places, I was given a few responsibilities, my social life's expanding, I made new friends, I bonded with the old ones, I had a fight with a boy and I did fall briefly for someone. Ehem.

And when the semester ended, it was a huge relief and well, I was a bit emotional.

All journeys eventually end in the same place, home. So here I am, at home, having the time of my life because again, it's holiday. It's like having my old life again, temporarily. It's good enough to fill the void, awesome enough to actually breathe the air. Yeah, me too get excited when it's school break, not just you kids.

Well people, selamat ber-rejuvenate. Semester depan dan depan dan depan  lagi sakit.

Rabbit

'And we parted under the pouring rain. It was cold, it was damp but I think, it was going to be the last one. Will we meet again? We will. Will we see each other again? We should. Will it start all over again? I have no idea. If it does, will it be mutual? Nobody knows. So long, I said. So long, I said.'


Goodbye.

And it ended with tears.

For better nation konon.

A Summer Fling

Yesterday was a big day for me and my team. It was our final presentation for subject Cultural and Human Behaviour. The requirement was a 20-minute video presentation about our sites, which were Tasik Titiwangsa and Kampung Baru.

Undoubtedly, we had trouble trying to complete the previous assignments, which were also video presentations, because none of us, none of seven of us, knew anything about making a movie. What a huge frustration we dare to say. We thought this subject was a real pain in neck.

And it wasn't easy working in a team especially during those times where every week meant more stress  and tense. When problems emerged, we pointed fingers to each other. When things got burn, we hide at the corner. We cried, we fought and we laughed. We all had our ups and downs, some smiles and frowns, we all had bumps and bruises, we all had our twists and turns, and we had some scars that still burn.

Slowly, we learnt to work together. We learnt to get to know each other. We learnt to accept each other. We started to joke around, laughed more, started to loosen up  and somehow, we just went with the flow. No more stress, no more headaches, if it happened, it happened. We started to treat this subject as a mean for fun. And goodness did we have fun !

And finally, alhamdulillah, we managed to complete a 27-minute-drama-style video and shockingly, the lecturer liked it. Alhamdulillah.

Then a sudden realisation. 

The thing that used to bug us for almost the whole semester has gone. The thing that we've been spending too many time, energy and time has done. The thing that caused ruckus in our life has ended. Suddenly, there was like a big hole in our life. It's done. It's finally done. And it's sad. Because we're just starting to have fun and it was too late to realise it.

To the crew of The Final Run, it was really nice to work with you, good job and good bye.

Detik-Detik Stress

Subjek Working Drawing memerlukan konsentrasi yang tinggi memandangkan segala bagai details perlu dilukis dengan betul dan teliti menggunakan technical pen yang maha mahal atas tracing paper. Drawings yang macam atas blue print.

Subjek ini juga agak stress sebab kalau salah sikit, susah sangat nak betulkan, tambah pula pakai technical pen yang sangat leceh sebab selalu smudge. Kalau siapa-siapa yang pakai brand Facer Castell, kena selalu refill ink. Kadang-kadang salah sikit pun kena redo th e whole freaking drawing. Di situ sudah dipenuhi dengan detik-detik stress dan tense sampai  ;

Kak Farah : Ahh, rasa macam nak quit study, pastu nak kawin !

Cena : Aku tengok orang yang dah kahwin ni bahagia je. Teringin lak. Hekhek.

Aku : Agak la. Aku rasa macam nak drop everything lepas tu cari mana-mana brother and then, "BANG, JOM KAWIN! "

Ecah : Aku nak baling technical pen, lepas tu jerit sambil lari-lari, " I'M AVAILABLE !!"

Konklusinya, kami rasa kahwin lagi seronok daripada buat Working Drawing walhal diri sendiri pun tak terurus ada hati nak jaga anak laki orang.

Sekian.

By The Time

Dear me, stop fooling around. You are actually having like 3 submissions due every week, finals are just around the corner, 20 more days before the final presentations, and a test this week, which you haven't revised anything yet.

You have a video to be presented next week, reports to be completed, drawings to be submitted, and yet you are still snipping some time arsing around and procrastinating. You have models to be constructed and tasks to be done.

Time is tick-tocking. Time shows no mercy to those who are careless. Time is slipping away from your hands when you are vague and oblivious. Time is your enemy.Time has never been a friendly friend. You ought to tame it before it cuts you so deep that you actually stop from looking ahead.

Dear me, be careful. And stop writing !

"By the time. Verily, man is in loss, Except those who believe and do righteous deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience. "

Surah Al-Asr

Bubble Yum

Have you ever noticed how sometimes small little things would bring the nostalgic version of yourself ? Or how long forgotten things when you stumbled upon it makes you feel a bit  overwhelmed? Or how the smallest detail would spark off the good old memory?

Well, this bubble gum did the job.

When I was 5, I was living in Calgary, Canada. It was veritably hard to find any local halal restaurant and we seldom eat meat. Most of our meals consisted of green and fish, sometimes pasta. But there's this one shop that we always did our groceries. Since I loved doing groceries and I used to be the one who carried the lightest sack, I had a privilege to pick something for the road. I chose Bubble Yum.

A couple of years later, we were back in Malaysia, and I haven't had any one of those for a very very long time, perhaps it wasn't available in Malaysia I thought, until recently.

I found it at a local store -guess I wasn't trying very hard to find it-  and out of the sudden, the flashbacks of being 5 in Calgary suddenly popped. How I missed the autumn leaves, those snowy days, candy canes during the winter, iced-lemon tea during the fall, finding warmth under my mother's arms, creating the wildest imagination possible with my brother, and of course doing groceries with my dad.

I was a bit delirious and emotional because I've been searching - again, wasn't trying my best to find it-  for this gum for more than 10 years and to me, it was such an outstanding achievement to have finally discover one of the things that revived my fading memories and  reminisced me about my childhood in Calgary.

A small matter yet evoked the remembrances of  yesteryear.

Oh tetiba rindu family. Satu minggu lagi.

Rusting

It's only the first few weeks of this semester and I'm a bit knackered, what with site visits, assignments, presentations and assignments, site visits, presentations and site visits - notice the multiple usage of 'site visits' which actually means lotsa lotsa of site visits - but wait, it has been only 3 weeks and I do ponder, what will the next 11 weeks bring ?

Submissions are due almost every week and obviously, to clasp even a slight moment for my own self is a bit unlikely. Ask us how many days do we have an actual sleep adorned with fascinating oneiric world. Ask us how many chance do we have to savour our minutes of life. Dare I say none.

Oh no, I'm not complaining. I'm just stating some of the facts, the story of my life. A little bit of 'no-life' but actually, just actually, I'm enjoying it. Surely I am sleep deprived like always, I don't have any real sleep for almost two weeks and my routine has long gone south. Never you mind, I'm used to it. Let's just hope I'll be standing as solid as a statue as the days and nights pass me by.

Well, let tomorrows begin.

Oranges

Chinese New Year reminds me of something foolish that I really wish I'd done it about 5 years ago. It was inevitably a stupid thing, mayhap the stupidest and the silliest thing ever and I wish if I did it, and when I am old and grey, I'll whisper to myself, '...yes, I did that stupid thing..'

I wish I did that stupid thing. I wish I sent the oranges.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you should just follow your heart and trust your instinct. It might be stupid, it might be a damage beyond repair, or perhaps an intangible wound but at least you take the chance. At least you can giggle about it in the future. At least you'll know.

La incertidumbre es una margarita cuyos pétalos no se terminan jamás de deshojar.

Oh, hello February

Cuti dah nak habis. 3 minggu blah macam tu je. Lusa dah nak balik kampus. Dan aku tak sabar nak balik kelas. Tak sabar nak belajar, tak sabar nak jumpa kawan-kawan, tak sabar nak score, tak sabar nak design lagi, tak sabar nak stay up, tak sabar nak buat terbaik. Semangat ni nak start semester dua tahun dua. Syndrome awal semester. Pfftt.

Oh, hello February !

Azam Baru

Azam 2013.

- Excel in whatever I'm doing.

- Shall do anything to become a better person.

- Kurangkan minum nescafe ataupun caffeine. This thing actually hinders me from being focused.

- Jaga badan. I'm obviously not getting any younger so I ought to treat my body dearly before it worn out.

- Read more books !

- Be nice and friendly to everyone no matter how much I desire to propel them with my foot if they start to misbehave.

- Tingkatkan lagi skill masak. Mana tahu boleh join Master Chef. HeuHeu.

- Dan lastly, I shall soar solo. Tak perlu nak feeling-feeling dah. Penat.

Crybaby

I hate sad endings. Every fibres in my body oppose to that idea. Sad endings leave me feeling kinda empty and hoping to know what's next. But there's no next because it's the end. I prefer a story ends with happiness and complete, knowing each character is going to live their lives happily. I mean, who'd want to live in terrible sadness or surrounded by total gloominess? What's the point of sad endings? There is enough sadness in real life, without having it in fiction too. Life's too serious and short.

And somehow, sad endings leave me wishing I have never watch the movie or read the book because I tend to cry. I hate tear jerker. Oh yeah, I weep like a baby. They make you think about life and love and sometimes whether or not it's worth it. They are the ones that stuck with you and they definitely make a hole into your brain and stay with you always.

Happy ending gives you hope. It leaves you with a sense of contentment. That at the end of the day you will conquer the troubles in your life, find the perfect someone and ride off into the sunset.

That's what I thought. But the real deal is, sad endings mean life isn't always perfect. In fact, there's no such thing as perfect. Every turmoil and turbulence cover the basis of life. Sad endings enforced the realism of life and wakes you up from a very deep sleep. But then, when it's for fun, why on earth do I want to depress myself by reading or watching something that ends with tears?

#They should've at least biar Arthur survive la walaupun legend says he doesn't.

The Wrong Side of the Bed

I've often wonder of why I never had the perfect beginning to a nice long holiday. I mean. I always got sick even before the holiday started and the first week of holiday, I was always weak, feeble and sore, mungkin sebab study kuat sangat kot. Haha.

But this time, I'm feeling fine, as healthy as a horse, feeling robust enough to have an euphoric break, until now. Instead of getting sick, I definitely have woken up at the wrong side of the bed, because I almost killed a man today.

Merdeka

'Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned. But just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die You've gotta get up and try.'

And I have finally, finally, finally done with my final examination. Someone asked me to shout MERDEKA when the exam ended and I did. I did shout MERDEKA but I reckon nobody was listening because they too were too busy enjoying the end. It was the end. No more staying up late at night, no more sitting at the desk writing pages of notes, no more forcing every muscle to wake up early in the morning, no more feeling guilty when taking a brief break and definitely no more headache. I am beyond doubt going to enjoy my semester break. 

And may I add, I can finally read books :D

Them

Ada manusia yang selalu teman aku time susah dan senang. Ada manusia yang selalu buat aku ketawa dengan lawak witty nya. Ada manusia yang selalu on bila ajak outing. Ada manusia yang annoying gilaa dengan perangai selfish nya tapi idea sentiasa mantap. Ada manusia yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan. Ada manusia yang masih tercari-tercari soul-mate tapi budak perempuan selalu avoid dia sebab dia jiwang sangat. Ada manusia yang selalu lit the mood bila dia ada dalam satu bilik. Ada manusia yang cuba pengaruh aku dengan Korea, tetapi tak berjaya. Muahaha!

Ada manusia yang tak tahu nak bezakan mana satu kaca, mana satu permata. Ada manusia yang tak menghargai pengorbanan orang lain. Ada manusia yang suka buat kerja simple sangat, konon minimalist, yang akhirnya susahkan orang lain. Ada manusia yang sangat pandai guna watercolor. Ada manusia yang sangat aktif, tak boleh duduk diam. Ada manusia yang selalu bawak gitar pergi mana-mana, yang tak tahan selalu main lagu Adele. Ada manusia yang ada passion in reading macam aku. Ada manusia yang suka tengok cerita hantu, bila nak tidur malam mulalah merengek.

Ada manusia yang rasa tercabar dengan aku. Sebab apa, aku pun tak pasti. Ada pula manusia yang tak sedar diri. Dah ada satu nak tambah dua. Ada manusia kalau boleh aku tak nak jumpa sebab bikin sakit di hati saja. Ada manusia yang buat aku rasa " Ahh, menyesal kenal". Ada manusia yang betul-betul tinggalkan satu parut dalam hidup aku, tapi aku berterima kasih sebab aku belajar dari apa yang telah jadi. Ada manusia yang struggle to the max untuk berjaya, has inspired me. And there's always this somebody, somebody that I can't take my eyes off. 


Basically, I've learnt a lot about people. People are different. People make the world go round. That's how my 2012 went. With a bunch of people who made my world pretty darn odd and interesting. 

Happy 2013. 

Makan Makan

Study week means withholding every desire to have even a slight of fun and start passing the time with studying. Every moment is cherished with countless of words and pages, books and papers, past years questions. And never you mind about the stress, the tense, the 'I give-up' moments, and the thirst to thrive. However, perpetual use of the brain imparts a peculiar sensation to the tummy. Me is constant hungry. Is this one of the outcomes of spending too much time with the books? Because me is definitely starting to let myself go. I find ease with food. Yes, I eat quite a lot lately. I couldn't care any less about the waistline. Sigh. This dreadful habit needs to be kicked. I pledge, the moment the exam is over, I'll start reconsidering to spend my time outdoor. 

Again, makann...