Goodbye

 

To my sailor, 

I cared for you more deeply than I ever thought I could. I wanted to be by your side, even through your struggles. I thought my sincerity would be enough, that you’d see it one day. I stayed when I could have left, because leaving you wasn’t in my heart. You once carried my hopes in the palms of your hands. I thought you would be the one to shelter me from the storms, the one I could cook dinner for after long days, the one I could build a safe home, a future, a life and a family with. I gave you loyalty, trust, and pieces of myself I had never given away before. 

But in the end, you did not choose me. You walked away without letting me stand beside you. And the silence you left behind became a wound I carried for months, a silence that echoed louder than any goodbye.

You left without truly talking it through. You assumed I couldn’t handle your truth, that I wouldn’t stay. But you never gave me the chance to decide. You thought I would not be strong enough to handle a life with you. That wound — knowing you built a life without me — was like losing you twice. It cut deep, cut from the same blade.

For a long time, I hated the silence, the ache, the endless questions. I hated that I couldn’t hate you. I still don’t. But I’ve cried enough tears to understand something now. Every ache, every sleepless night, every prayer I whispered asking Allah  has slowly turned me back to myself, and to Allah.

If only you knew how deep my love was for you. I'd go the distance for you. I'd fight dragons and monsters for you. If you called, I'd come. But still, you let me go. 

So here’s my goodbye. You will linger, maybe always as a shadow at the edge of my story, but no longer at the center of it, never again as the beating heart of my story. I am not carrying you in my heart anymore. I am leaving you in Allah’s hands — for His justice, His mercy, His wisdom.

May He deal with you as is just. 

Goodbye.

Uncharted Waters

Sometimes, our timeline doesn't pan out the way we want. Plans change, paths derail, dreams remain dreams, hopes and expectations collapse, and hearts get broken.

The timeline fallacy, where people create a mental checklist of milestones they believe they "should" achieve by a certain age. Where they plan their entire life down to the last detail. Where the innate desire to control takes over - until life throws you a curveball.

The quiet belief that life should unfold according to plan. We draft blueprints for decades we've yet to live — but we forget: Allah is the best of planners.

And how does one cope when things don't go as planned, when life refuses to follow the script?

You let go. You let go. 

As easy as it sounds-and just as hard. 

You release what needs to be released, embracing the impermanence of all things. You accept what needs to be accepted, recognizing the limits of your will. You focus on what you can control, what lies within your power. And you forgive. 

Because at the end of the day, Allah knows what's best for us, for you, for me. 

“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; 

and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. 

And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (2:216)