Goodbye

 

To my sailor, 

I cared for you more deeply than I ever thought I could. I wanted to be by your side, even through your struggles. I thought my sincerity would be enough, that you’d see it one day. I stayed when I could have left, because leaving you wasn’t in my heart. You once carried my hopes in the palms of your hands. I thought you would be the one to shelter me from the storms, the one I could cook dinner for after long days, the one I could build a safe home, a future, a life and a family with. I gave you loyalty, trust, and pieces of myself I had never given away before. 

But in the end, you did not choose me. You walked away without letting me stand beside you. And the silence you left behind became a wound I carried for months, a silence that echoed louder than any goodbye.

You left without truly talking it through. You assumed I couldn’t handle your truth, that I wouldn’t stay. But you never gave me the chance to decide. You thought I would not be strong enough to handle a life with you. That wound — knowing you built a life without me — was like losing you twice. It cut deep, cut from the same blade.

For a long time, I hated the silence, the ache, the endless questions. I hated that I couldn’t hate you. I still don’t. But I’ve cried enough tears to understand something now. Every ache, every sleepless night, every prayer I whispered asking Allah  has slowly turned me back to myself, and to Allah.

If only you knew how deep my love was for you. I'd go the distance for you. I'd fight dragons and monsters for you. If you called, I'd come. But still, you let me go. 

So here’s my goodbye. You will linger, maybe always as a shadow at the edge of my story, but no longer at the center of it, never again as the beating heart of my story. I am not carrying you in my heart anymore. I am leaving you in Allah’s hands — for His justice, His mercy, His wisdom.

May He deal with you as is just. 

Goodbye.