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I started this blog 10 years ago. This blog has witnessed some of my tender moments, my downfalls, my sincerity and my emotions.

10 years ago, I was preparing myself to face SPM. It was the same year I experienced my first love, which led to my first heartbreak. Ah, there's nothing like the first love, when all the love songs made sense. The next year, I passed my driving license, which significantly a ticket to anywhere but I chose to further my study somewhere near home. Thus, my years as an architecture student began. 4 years later, I graduated in Bsc. in Architectural Studies. It was a long 4-arduous journey, filled with blood, sweat and tears. I met good people, learnt from the very best, and endure experiences that left unforgettable memories. During the same year, I got an offer to pursue the second degree. So, another 2 years of sleepless nights, coffee and migraine. Thank goodness it all ended well in 2016.

For a year, I did get some experiences not-working as an architect while doing some freelance jobs here and there. I basically took a rest for a while to figure out what's my next adventure, how my life to be lived or where to navigate my next course. After much deliberation, I enrolled myself into the world of research and philosophy the year after, of which I will be graduating next year with a Masters. Obviously, the research world was not as easy as one would have thought. It required a tremendous amount of reading and critical thinking, not to mention it was a lonely and a solitary journey (Don't get me wrong, I loved each and every second of it!). And I lost my two dear dear cats along the way. As if the pains were not enough, I experienced my second heartbreak. A gentle soul, a good man and the one whom I thought I would spend my whole life with ended up with another girl. I'm happy for him. I guess Allah had a better plan for me and He had granted me a chance to visit the holiest cities in Islam. The whole journey was a spiritual uplift. Recommended for every Muslim.

As for tomorrow, it's basically a leap of faith. Like Elsa said, into the unknown.

 

Do I ever wish them to break up one day? No, I don't. I asked myself, should I make a wish that one day they are no longer together? Well, I should not. Why?

I attended their wedding despite various objections from friends. I attended their wedding for the sake of the past that he and I shared. For the sake of 10 years worth of friendship. And for a closure. I desperately needed the closure. I needed to see them happy with each other, I needed to see that they belonged together, that they were meant to be with each other. He found her. The girl that would complete his life. The girl that would offer him things that I couldn't. I needed to realize that me and him, were never ever meant to be together. I offered them my sincere wishes, I wished them eternal happiness.

There were moments when I resented him. He should've be with me. He was supposed to be mine. But when senses came knock me back to the ground, I still wish they'll be together forever.

Because if one fine day, they decided to no longer cherish each other, I know, he'll come back to me. And I know my foolish heart will fall for him again. 

OYWD

Some people looked good together,

but they were not better together.

Some people had so much things in common,

yet they drifted apart.

Some people shared the past together,

but they no longer hold onto today's memory.

And some people were never meant to be together,

no matter how long they clung to their feelings.

Queens of Thorns

After 8 seasons, Game of Thrones finally ended its reign on television. And as it was widely discussed among the fans, the final season did not pan out as one would hope for. It had a tidy ending. Characters were given their moments before the end of the show. The characters' endings, in my opinion, were agreeable and made senses, but the pacing issues, the lack of attention to detail, and unexplained reversals rendered the season to be one of the the most criticized endings in TV history. Us audience weren't given a proper insight on the characters arc and development. Everything felt so rushed, cut-shorted and a bit forced. 

Daenerys' descent into madness was heavily panned by the fans. She was one of the favorites, who started off as a young naive girl and eventually morphed into a Queen, had the most interesting arc. Blinded by her own personal tragedies, consumed by anger and paranoia, and her position as the legitimate queen was undermined, had turned her into the Mad Queen that her ancestry has foretold. The Targaryens were often associated with mental illness (genetically speaking, plus they practiced incest), thus Daenerys' erratic behavior was inevitable. But it wasn't Daenerys' state of mind that upset the fans, it was how the poor development of her characters from a saviour to a villain. The transformation was unearned and sudden. In other words, the issue was more about the execution. For seven seasons the characters was hailed as the saviour, and then in only a few episodes, she  proceeded to massacre the entire city without any mercy. Face-palm.

My favourite character was Cersei Lannister. Cersei was manipulative and deceitful. She deliberately decimated the whole building with a single burst of wildfire. She was the selfish queen who lost her children, that eventually manifested itself in her vengeful and cruel nature. But basically, she was a grieving mother and an overlooked woman who wanted to be respected and loved. She's the villain whom you developed an odd sympathetic due to her multi-dimensional character. However, her death was, in my opinion, too easy. She was crushed by falling rubble. That's it. No drama whatsoever. I was hoping she'd be killed by one of her brothers (as prophesied) or a tragic death during childbirth. But no. Sigh.

Sansa Stark's storyline was probably the most satisfying one. She wasn't my favourite character, heck I thought she was annoying. She was naive, lost in her own fantasy world dreaming about princes and castles. But she grew up.When Sansa got older and wiser, Sansa's fight for survival changed. She's not fighting for the Iron Throne like Daenerys or Cersei; instead, she's fighting to save her home and keep it. From a spoil brat, to a tortured soul, she eventually was crowned Queen of the North.

All in all, I'm super glad the show ended. The ending was just an ending, a closure. Season 8 wasn't the best season nor had the best ending, but it finally put an end to a story. It made sense why some fans were disappointed how the show ended, I mean something that was heavily invested for a long time, only to be debased and ruined by poor writing. Fans were expecting more. Again, it was just an ending for a fantasy show. A fantasy show that left a bittersweet taste in our mouths.

Our watch has ended. 

For the Throne

It's that high time when everybody's starting to get excited over the commencement of Game of Thrones' latest season. 

Allow me to dispense a few thoughts on the previous season which was aired last 2 years. Overall, several major events occurred, several significant developments for the characters' storyline and of course the extravagant and excessive use of CGI, were basically on spot but somehow were hurt by an accelerated pace in the whole season. A few times, some of the significant moments were crammed into whether a shorter duration of time or lack of intricate details, that it deprived the moments of its weight and substance. The ideas, the plot and the storytelling were pretty intense but sadly, (in my personal opinion) poorly executed. 

Still, I did applaud some of the scenes or episodes. Lemme list down a few scenes that I believed were awesome.

1. The opening of the season, when the clan of Walter Frey was poisoned by the disguised Arya, was quite satisfying. Arya was avenging the death of her family members, who were murdered during the Red Wedding by Frey's clan.  The Red Wedding was the most heartbreaking, emotional and iconic scene I've ever watched. The whole scene killed a hope for the North, justice, and everything the Starks was trying to fight for. I remember how horrified my face looked when I saw my reflection on the TV.

Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe. As every men fell to the floor, clutching their throats, with blood foaming in their mouth, I thought that was what betrayal tasted like. It tasted like death.

'The north remembers'

2. The confrontation between two mothers. When Ellaria Sand and her daughter, Tyene were held captive by Euron, Cersei kissed Tyene with the same poison that killed Myrcella, and demanded that Ellaria would remain alive to witness the slow death of her beloved daughter. I thought the scene was pretty emotional, it was a showcase of a mother's love and a mother's revenge. 

3. Jaime granted a mercy death to Olenna, before Olenna Tyrell finally revealed that she was the one who was responsible for Joffrey's death, and Jaime left her to die alone. Even at the brink of her death, she still managed to get in the last word. Savage old lady. I like the song during the end credit. So energetic, I think. 

'I want her to know it was me'

4. Oh, and the reunion between the Starks family, with the exception of Jon Snow. After all these years, they finally were together again. The three of them, formerly six, finally back at home. I cried a little

Right, end of that list.

So to continue, I agreed with the execution of Lord Baelish. He was a major threat to the Stark family and his death was inevitable. But since he was a prominent fixture since the first season, I thought he deserved a more dramatic death. I couldn't help feeling a tad sorry for the lad when he begged for his life to be spared, but he had done more harm than good, that a death was the perfect ending for his conniving miserable life. Still, a slit to the throat was, well, too easy.

I had a bit problem with Jon's storyline.

-How about the time when Jon Snow did a presentation in front of Cersei and Jaime? I thought the presentation was necessary to convince Cersei, but come on, Jon did a presentation like I did my group work presentation in my first year. So awkward.

-Jon's real name was Aegon, but I thought Rhaegar already had a child named Aegon?

-Or when Jon decided to capture a wight, I still think he needed a well-thought plan because his plan cost them a dragon for crying out loud!

-And lastly, the ending part. When Jon and Daenerys were together, I didn't think that was necessary nor a good idea. I couldn't help thinking it's going to cause some severe ramifications in the future, but I knew nothing.

Eh, one more. 

-I really didn't like the scene when Ed Sheeran appeared as one of the "unsubtle'' Lannister soldiers. I don't dislike Ed Sheeran, but his appearance made the whole scene seemed less authentic.

Well, one more season before it ends. Then one less thing to look forward too. I'll write more on Game of Thrones right after the final episode, as soon as I have gotten over the series. It's gonna be an emotional roller coaster for me.

Masjid Daing Abdul Rahman, Nusajaya

"An eco-friendly and industrial theme mosque"

Until you have reached the first quarter life, your life is still set on the easy mode. The life when you start to meet new people and making friends, when you learn new knowledge and skill, the life where your journey is embellished with wondrous hopes and dreams, the life where you start to sip the first taste of this real world; that life is practically set on the beginners mode.

Because when it's time to face the real world, reality unravels itself. Well, maybe not you but me.

A childhood friend of mine, was diagnosed with cancer. A friend passed away recently due to a chronic disease. A friend's wife died during childbirth, she was at the same age as me. A cousin was ran down by a van, he was only 6. And a great aunt, passed away peacefully in her sleep. Death is inevitable, inescapable fact of life. But when death is so near to you, when death started to struck people around you, you realize that life is short. Life is too short. 

When we were children, death was once perceived as temporary or a separation. Death only happened to villains and death only happened in movies, plays or books. Because the finality of death was not fully comprehended. As you mature into your life, death inevitably comes.

2K19

If I had to describe 2018 with a song, it's Losing My Religion by R.E.M.. 

I always thought the song meant that the singer was losing his mind or his cool. I could relate to that. It's like certain events lead to one experiences internal turmoils. A battle between the voices in your head. Or simply losing hope, where one will never be the same and won't allow himself to be thrown into blind trust again particularly when it comes to the subject of love. 

2018 was an exciting and a happy year, but it's also the year of losing. I lost a cat, a love, a friend, a family member, and almost my own sanity (biasalah budak research - exaggerating much?). But I gained a lot too. I've made new friends, gained new experiences, new skills and new profound insight of life. But mostly fat.

It's only the 5th day of  2019 but I'm starting to feel a tad edgy. I've some many things to be done, so many plans but apparently I'm still slacking off, pretending nothing matters. Not exactly a brilliant way to commence this new year. Hewhew.

Well, I predict 2019 is a busy year. Let's hoping to a happy year as well. Cheers!

Twenty Six

I enjoyed being 25. It's liberating yet filled with perplexing moments, it's an exhilarating journey but a lonely one. Ah, 26. I feel so old.

Sia | Breathe Me

I read somewhere that Six Feet Under's finale was lauded among the greatest television series finales. Kinda prompted me to watch this series. I started watching Six Feet Under about 2 months ago and it's was really an interesting series. The series was about the Fisher family, who ran a funeral home in Los Angeles. So you can expect a lot of deaths, griefs, tears and some sardonic humor. I think the show was projecting human mortality as the main theme, as death and life come together through the door while holding hands.

I know I'm like 13 years late, but the finale of this series was just so emotional and the perfect closure for each and every character. It just further asserts the truth that everything will come to an end. I can't remember when was the last time I cried so hard from just watching an episode. It was really a great finale.

Mind you, this series was produced by HBO, so you have to anticipate some disturbing scenes and vulgarity. But if you can get past all the obscenities, you'll find that this series is a touching and poignant drama, and a reminder that life is precious.

"Every day above ground is a good one."